Another day of me shamelessly stealing from another website for a list of the 12 worst toys ever. I'll post them over the next 4 days (or when I get around to it). Some of them are pretty darn funny, all of them have major flaws (some fatal flaws). At the end of the list, I will attribute the source of my plagiarism.
5. Mini-Hammocks from EZ Sales
Mini-hammocks seemed innocuous enough. No projectiles, no lead paint, no sharp edges, and no explicit danger (except sloth). But between the years of 1984 and 1995, the EZ Sales Mini-Hammock, oft marketed under the name Hang Ten, managed to hang 12.
CPSC reported in August 1996 that the product had resulted in the fatal and near-fatal asphyxiation of dozens of kids ages 5 to 17 and recalled three million of them. Among the banned EZ products were Hangouts Baby Hammocks, or "Baby's First Death Cocoon," woven from thin cotton and nylon strings. The culprit was a missing set of "spreader bars," supports meant to keep the hammock open when it was "at ease." Unfortunately, children seeking to spend an afternoon like Gilligan became entangled in the net and strangled to death. That's what happens when you spend $4 on a hammock.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Worst. Toys. Ever. #5
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Ahh, the mini-hammocks! I remember tying one of those up in the back of a van, and then driving erratically down the road trying to dislodge the 'contestant' laying in the hammock. We had a friend who we'll call John. John was on the receiving end of 99% or our jokes and pranks. John also wanted nothing to do with that hammock. We finally coxed him into trying out the hammock thrill ride after what seemed like weeks of pestering him. We were behind the local mall at the time, which John somehow thought was the safest place for his maiden voyage. There was however one section of the parking lot that was cratered with deep potholes…and on top of that it was frozen over with inches of snow and ice. I remember turning the corner onto that section of the parking lot and gunning the throttle to the floor. As the four barrel carburetor opened up with that horrible “bwaaaaaaaaaaa” sound, John must have sensed trouble. He began a desperate attempt to free himself as he really started swaying back and forth. Just in time, the front of the van dropped down into what seemed like a 2-foot deep hole filled with water. The headlights of the van nosed into the water bottoming out the front suspension. As the van rocketed out of the hole, I looked back in time to see John bounce all the way to the floor, and then rocket straight up into the ceiling of the van with a loud thump. As he hit the ceiling he was also successful in freeing himself from the hammock and landed on the floor like a pile of rags. Every time I drive through that section of parking lot, I am filled with memories of good times. Good times indeed.
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